


Everything's magic

by PoemAboutCitylights



Series: Songfic Collection [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Also fluff I think?, Angst, Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, lots and lots of angst, mentions of Anthoine Hubert's death, soft Dan, you know I live for happy endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 22:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20553755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoemAboutCitylights/pseuds/PoemAboutCitylights
Summary: Dan is scared.But maybe, just maybe, beautiful things can grow from learning that he isn't the only one who feels like that.





	Everything's magic

**Author's Note:**

> "Everything's magic" by Angels & Airwaves songfic.  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oM3ykGr6Nj4

** _And do you ever feel like you're alone?_ **  
** _ And do you ever wish to be unknown?_ **  
** _ I could say that I have_ **

It’s between free practices and qualifyings, between media sessions and race days, that it creeps up Daniel’s back, settles on his shoulders and seems to spread throughout his whole body, tearing him inside out. It’s between too large king size beds and private flights, between messages instead of phone calls, that he feels it weighting him down, consuming and eating him up, swallowing him whole like it doesn’t make a difference anyway.  
The loneliness.

** _And do you ever feel things here aren't right?_ **  
** _ And do you ever feel the time slip by?_ **  
** _ I can say that I have_ **

He knows that it isn’t easy for any of the other drivers either. Finds some comfort in the fact that everyone who’s part of the F1 circus experiences what he is going through. That they’re all in this together.  
And yet, when he sees Kimi strolling through the pit lane with Minttu happily tucked against his side, or watches Lewis secretly sneaking off into a German company’s media trucks, he has to wonder if all of them are actually sharing the same kind of loneliness; whether he might just be off a little worse than his colleagues. He tries his best not to drown in self-pity, though. However, he cannot deny that it gives him a certain type of satisfaction to hide away in his motorhome, doors locked and all smiles gone from his face.  
Where’s your cheery honey badger now? he wants to ask then. No one around to entertain you, huh?  
If he was a better person, he would probably talk to the other guys about what he’s feeling. He would ask them if they have experienced the same troubles, would encourage them to open up about it and exchange advice.  
But he also cannot deny the truth that he simply does not _care_ about how the other guys feel about being alone all the fucking time.  
There is no time to care when he’s unable to get over the fact that there is one person’s loneliness that he _does_ care about, _fiercely_, _unintentionally_ and yet undeniably.  
He hates it, wants to punch a goddamn wall or preferably, _his face_ each time that he walks by with his hood up and headphones on, that unreadable look on his face that leaves too much to Dan’s interpretation.  
He hates how he worries all the fucking time, how he thinks things like “Did he get enough sleep last night?” or “has he been feeling lonely?”

** _And I can say that I have_ **

It’s different when he’s in the car.  
Driving has always been his way to escape, his happy place, the one thing that makes him feel over the moon. It’s what he lives for, what he breathes every day and night. Racing is what sets his heart into motion and keeps it running. It is what reduces his thoughts to a minimum, what makes his mind go blank and entirely focused on the next corner, the next straight, on nothing but the speed and the adrenaline that’s shooting through his body.

_**So hear this please**_  
**_And watch as your heart speeds up endlessly_**  
**_ And look for the stars as the sun goes down_**  
_**Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound**_  
**_ Everything, everything's magic_**

Racing in a Formula 1 car is like magic to him. The dream that he has been chasing for as long as he can remember, the goal that he has sacrificed so much more.

** _Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight_ **  
** _ Prepare for the best and the fastest ride_ **  
** _ And reach out your hand, and I'll make you mine_ **  
** _ Everything, everything's magic_ **

Racing is Daniel’s happy place until it’s not.

Anthoine’s death hits them all out of nowhere, despite the knowledge that they’re putting everything on the risk each time that they climb into these goddamn cars.  
It makes Dan feel like he can’t breathe, like he will never be happy on a track again. And it makes him question if he should ever get back to it again or if the fear will now always be there in the back of his mind, whispering awful nothings into his ear.  
In the end, he learns that it is something he can deal with. Something he _has_ to deal with. Learns that he can be stronger than his fears, that there are reasons why they all love this sport so much that they’re risking it all for it.  
What he cannot deal with, whatsoever, is the fear that makes him feel like someone has wrapped their hand right around his heart and started squeezing. The fear that shakes him to the core when he sees _his_ car oversteering for just the blink of an eye, back on track before Dan even has the chance to realize that his heart has just stopped beating for the fraction of a moment.

** _And do you ever lay awake at night?  
And do you ever tell yourself don't try?_ **

It’s always worse once the sun has set. Once the troubles of the day are no longer able to keep him busy and he’s faced with lonely hotel rooms that are way too big for one person and yet too small to keep all the anxiety that has started to built up.  
Dan is not used to fearing for his own life. But he supposes that it is something that he could learn to live with. That it could be just another thing to make him stronger as a person.  
What he certainly _cannot_ learn to live with, because it is against everything a racing driver should commit to, is fearing for the life of another guy on track, so much that he’s unable to focus.  
Because it leaves Dan useless, paralysed by how scared he is for the kid, with fingers trembling and lips twitching. It makes him feel like he is out of control, like he’s unable to see the whole picture.  
It also makes him think of all the things he wants to say but keeps back, all the times he was about to do something but backed out in the end, scared of the consequences.  
That is nothing compared to the existential fear that grabs hold of him each time he now sees the other driver in a car. It’s nothing compared to the pain that fills his chest at the thought of never letting him _know_ before it might be too late one day.

** _And do you ever see yourself in love?  
And do you ever take a chance, my love?_ **

He doesn’t know where exactly the other driver is staying, only knows they are sharing the same hotel this weekend, but it doesn’t take him long to find out, anyway.  
Dan’s heart is beating in his throat by the time that he finds himself in front of the other man’s door, his short nails digging deep into the skin of his palms, but it’s fear that suddenly gives him courage.  
It’s the fear of losing just another talent to this sport that dissolves his paralysis.  
When the door eventually opens up, the Australian’s mouth is dry while his palms are sweaty, blood rushing in his ears.

“Dan,” the other man says, and it’s a soft sound, it is barely more than a whisper and Dan does not know what to make of it, wants to shake the younger one and pull him close at the very same time. Wants to pull him in and never let go, never let him take a seat in one of those cars ever again.  
“Max,” he echoes, because there really isn’t much more to say, or at least his brain isn’t able to come up with anything.  
And just the way Max is standing there, one hand touching the door, the other one falling down onto his side, while he seems somewhat surprised to see Dan, is a little too much for the Australian.  
A pained sob suddenly fills the air and it takes Dan a few seconds to realize that it’s him who has made that sound, his vision getting blurry from the tears that start to fill his eyes.  
“Dan!” Max calls out, his tone worried, while he pulls the Australian inside, a hand now coming to rest on the older one‘s shoulder.  
“Dan…” he repeats again, softer this time, but Daniel can’t even make him out anymore, trying his best to blink the tears away and suppress the sobs that are starting to shake his chest.  
Max pulls him into a hug without a word and catches both of them by surprise by doing so and Dan, who has kept everything hidden away for what feels like an eternity, is just not able to hold it together any longer.

He feels it crashing down at him all at once; the loneliness, the pain and the fear, making him clutch Max tightly, squeezing the air out of the younger one’s lungs while he curls his fingers into the Dutchman’s shirt.  
Some part of Dan’s brain notices that he’s crying on Max’s team gear but he just can’t bring himself to care, because as long as he’s holding onto the younger one, as long as he keeps him close and doesn’t let go, nothing bad can happen to him.  
He buries his nose in the crook of Max’s neck and draws in the younger one’s scent, because he’s _alive_, he is breathing and warm against Dan’s skin.  
And Dan feels like he’s about to throw up, all different kind of emotions running wild.  
But instead of actually throwing up, he spits out some words that have been burning on his tongue for months now and once they are out in the open, he has to repeat them all over again, whisper them against Max’s neck while sobs are still shaking his body.  
  
**_So hear this please_**  
  
“I love you. _IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou_.”

** _And watch as your hearts speeds up endlessly_ **

Dan’s heart is beating so fast that it feels like the vibrations are spreading through Max’s body as well, who has gone stiff in their embrace.

** _And look for the stars as the sun goes down  
Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound_ **

And then Max draws in a breath that he’s not releasing, his arms still warm against Dan’s back.  
“I’m sorry,” Daniel breathes against Max’s skin, still blinking away tears and too afraid to look up, “but I love you, God, _I love you_, I-I needed you to know, I wouldn’t survive if you- if you never knew, I-…”

** _Everything, everything’s magic_ **

Dan hears Max shift before he sees him, hears him release that breath he’s been holding before he feels a warm hand against his cheek, nudging him to look up.  
He’s staring right into Max’s bright eyes, which are now watery as well and so incredibly beautiful in the soft light of the hotel room, more open than Dan has seen them in months, if ever.  
He feels the Dutch’s thumb brushing over his cheek, leans into the warmth instinctively before Max brings up his other hand as well, cupping his face.  
And while he’s staring right into Max’s eyes, he has to think of the times when he was a kid, when he had bragged with being able to do such a dangerous sport. When he had been impressed by risky manoeuvres, some of them ending with heavy crashes.  
It pains him so much that he’s flinching because how _could he_, how could he for one second think it’s safe what they do, that it’s at least safer now than it used to be.  
Because now he’s looking at Max, inches away from his face, and the thought of having to watch Max climb into a car again makes him feel like someone has slit his stomach open and started pulling on his insides.  
He feels Max’s breath on his lips but he’s too scared to do anything, not of the consequences, but of things that go way beyond hurt feelings.  
And Max looks at him in a way that makes Dan’s insides flutter, that makes him crave the other man’s embrace like he has never craved anything before, not even his first race in an F1 car.  
“I’m scared for you, too,” Max eventually says, the first to break the heavy silence that has spread, and Dan knows the words mean so much more than that when the younger one pulls him back against his shoulder, fingers caressing the Australian’s black curls.  
“I’m scared,” Max repeats, his voice barely audible and shaky, while they both tighten their grip on each other.  
It’s Max that eventually pushes Dan into the direction of his bed, where he doesn’t let go of the Australian either. They curl up on top of the covers, arms wrapped around each other with Dan’s head resting against the Dutchman’s shoulder.

_ **Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight** _  
_ ** Prepare for the best and the fastest ride** _  
_ ** And reach out your hand, and I'll make you mine** _

Max slides his hand against Dan’s without a word, intertwining their fingers silently and it makes the Australian shiver.  
“I had no idea,” the younger one says and it makes Dan look up, his vision clearer now, head hurting from the crying.  
“I’ve never been this scared,” Dan whispers, for he doesn’t trust his own voice yet.  
He closes his eyes and holds on tighter when Max leans down a little in order to hesitantly place a kiss against his temple.  
“And you’re courageous,” Max says softly, his lips lingering on Dan’s temple, “for telling me.”

** _Everything, everything’s magic_ **

_I’m scared for you, too_.  
The words echo in Dan’s mind when Max keeps placing soft kisses against his skin and he suddenly has to smile against the younger one’s shoulder, for they mean so much more than he could ever express with an “I love you”.

**Author's Note:**

> So...  
This is my way of realizing and processing what has happened last week and because I love this song very much, I decided to write a songfic about it.  
Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you think.


End file.
